AWOOF DEY RUN BELLE: The Story of a Lasgidi Babe and Her Oshofree Wig

I have this not so hilarious story that I would like you to read. It has been a while since I last posted something on here. I apologise. I have just been so swamped with work.

It happened on a Wednesday. I left the office with my office bestie, Mariam and together we strolled to the GTBank ATM close to the office after close of business. We had intentions of getting something nice for ourselves. Mariam wanted to buy a new handbag while I had been craving a new wig so bad. We always boarded the same bus because I stayed at Iyana-Ipaja at the time, while she lives in Abule-Egba.

So, after withdrawing our shopping fee from the ATM, we boarded a bus going to Oshodi.  When we got to Oshodi, I pleaded with Mariam to please allow us use the pedestrian bridge—she preferred to cross the road. Lo and behold, as soon as we got up the bridge, there to my excitement, was this woman who displayed her goods of wigs in their varying lengths, types and colours.

I was excited but Mariam was sceptical. She was like, “you sure say this wig wey dem dey sell for on top bridge go be original so?” I ignored her comments and went ahead to bargain with the wig seller. She said the wig I had picked was 8,000 naira. I was happy. 100% human hair for 8,000 naira? I felt like I had hit the jackpot. The Ijebu woman in me came out to play and jokingly, not thinking the woman would agree, I said, “can’t you sell for 3,000?” and to my amusement, she said I should pay.

I was like, “whaaaaat?” I knew I should have taken to my heels and ran when she said I should bring the 3,000 naira but my village people were all out for me that day. That was how I bought my beautiful human hair wig and took it home without listening to Mariam’s admonishments. My Yoruba people would say, “eni to n wa ifa, o n wa ofo” – (he who wants free things is looking for nothing).

The following day, I flaunted my wig. Their father! See fine girl. I was uncomfortable throughout the day. Hian! Which kain wig be dis? The headache I had was sent from another planet. And to make it worse, when I turned to Mariam for help, she hit me with the, “abeg abeg abeg, no be me send you,” remark.

And just as if that was not enough, my beautiful human hair wig turned into a scrubbing sponge just two weeks after I bought it. I almost finished my curl detangler on the yeye wig but it was stubborn. It kept saying to me, “from sponge I was created, and in sponge I shall remain.” I still can’t comprehend it. I think the woman might have jazzed me. I mean, this thing was 100% human hair when I bought it. Anyway, I tossed the nonsense into the trash can and swore never to buy essentials by the roadside ever again.

To Jesus be my glory!!! Odiegwu.